Apparently not.

Referring to Day-dreamer’s comment in previous entry, the goody sister in me didn’t last. At times I wished, that she’s a mobile independent person, and so badly wished, that she is able to make up her own mind. Period. I didn’t like it when she behaves like deciding something as minor as where to eat is a matter of life and death in question. And I know why.

I saw myself in that reflection of my indecisiveness as well sometimes. With two indecisive people standing in the middle of the mall deciding where to eat, you don’t get any conclusion but pure mental exhaustion, so naturally someone has to take charge. Deep down I wondered if I have overshadowed that leadership trait in her because of me being the elder one and her respecting the decisions I’ve made out of courtesy. She can lead if she wants to. I know she can.

It’s hard on me to be a complete selfless and don’t mind doing favors for anyone worth at the expense of my personal time. Honestly, I really don’t mind, because conscience always gets the best of me. Always. But when the favor overweights what I am expected to do, I’ll feel bad about not giving as much thought of favor for myself. So there goes the monster in me, lashed out at unsuspecting victim with my razor sharp cynical remarks and icy queen stares. In my case, silence cuts deep.

So I’m not as selfless as I thought I was. Apparently not. But I want to blog it out so that I’ll learn something out of this. I will do what it takes to help out against my inner conflict, just as long as the favour will not be treated like some privilege.

5 responses to “Apparently not.

  1. We are selfless beings but there are times when the monster in us stops us from being so. And we all learn from our mistakes.


  2. Well, I’d say that you don’t think too much about it because when the time comes, your little sister will be decisive and independent.

    *hugs _butt jie*

  3. i think u and ur sis should become my underlings and follow my orders… it will be easier for u guys!!!

  4. kyels,
    yeah. seems like I’m repeating my mistakes again. blah.

    come to think of it, maybe I’m just being over-protective? she said she could go back home alone and I’m like calling a few times to check whether she knows how to get back or not. Lol. I’m sure you know how it feels.

    *hugs day-dreamer*

    underlings? you think wut, we lived in underworld ahh?

  5. learning.. learning..
    oh.. er..
    1 2 3..

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