I suppose this should be a good memory jog exercise, of what would otherwise be wasted on this entry.
2008. I felt like a full-fledged Gemini taking off on a route of road not taken this year, while my conventional sun in Virgo takes a retreat to hibernate in her shell. It was good. Hell good. The first half was shitty all the way. Lots of frustration, self-lost and hurt and pain. I was not being myself, and I guess the feeling of unease sort of rubs off on people I met at work the wrong way.
4 months on, I couldn’t kid myself any longer. Merchandising? WTF am I thinking? Everybody’s been telling me that, a friend of mine said I’m obviously better off somewhere else. But because I was desperate for my first job and earn my own paycheck, I’ve been working against myself for the past 4 months. I fcuking hated my first job with passion. I thought that will be the end of it because it’s going to affect my resume, but that’s when the phase of quitting begin, along with decision-weighing and dilemma, shitty emotions overload.
I did a lot self-contemplation while operating on pilot mode at work. I did some planning, a lot of reading and never missed a single job posting on the net and paper. Many times I’m tempted to set the bridge on fire and never look back, but I manage to hold myself back on that thought, because I know I need to put my focus back on the present, gather enough faith and mental strength to pull myself together, and channel that energy into searching a better job opportunity elsewhere. It was one of those valuable lessons I’ve learned, deciding what’s the next step on my career path. I could never thank enough my folks and friends for their unconditional support. And you too, who had been there for me and with me.
After my first year employment with the company, I tendered my resignation.
I learned that it takes a lot of courage to quit. But I have never felt so… liberated, just by quitting! It was weird but I felt good about it. I know I had to start all over again but I didn’t mind it at all. Perhaps, I have build enough preparation to cushion my fall for a while. Along the way I’ve learned to open up to people, made mistakes and learn my lessons. I had my first time experience, now I’m ready to move on because I figured out what I wanted.
Second quarter half of the year, I picked myself back up and made my luck on my second job. What goes on after that became one of the major turning points of my life since graduation. Despite what happened to me on my first job, I’m happy. This year had been kind to me. I know that reality can be harsher than what I’ve been through. I’m still learning everyday, slowly but surely.
Suddenly getting lost on the road isn’t that bad.
Happy Holiday and a Happy New Year 2009!