Monthly Archives: April 2008

This feeling.

I was making a 90-degree turn into the corner spot to park my car when I saw him. An uncle, probably in his mid 40s, clad in dark blue uniform, sitting alone on the railing, his back facing me. He didn’t bother to look back to see who had parked. He kept his eyes looking ahead. I looked around. Nobody but him around the parking lot area. I left anyway.

2 hours later when me and LD got back to our car, we (I) saw him again. Sat alone on the railing, his back on us. Shifted a bit in his sitting position I noticed. Then I saw, as I got into the car and caught a sight of him at side view, him took off his glasses and wipe the lens vigorously with his uniform shirt, then put them back on, slide up to the bridge of his nose. And he continued watching. Waiting for his working hour to pass for what seem like eternity.

He must be lonely. A family of 6 to feed maybe. Kids to school, bills to pay. But he must be lonely on the job. But that’s life, people say.

I left the building struggling with this weird feeling. Was it plain apathy or some hypocritical compassion on display?

On a separate occasion, one morning I got out from the car parked near an automobile service shop, was walking on my way to workplace when a boy slightly younger than me approach me out of the blue and mumbled something incoherent. I caught his speech in between the lines of ‘cuci kereta’ and ‘RMsomeamountIcan’tremember untuk satu bulan’. I shooked my head and said ‘tak nak’ (no) and smiled sheepishly upon refusing his offer for car wash service, thinking that he might be from the service shop itself trying to solicit business or something.

He nodded, but looking somewhat disappointed and left. I glanced over at his direction as I continue walking, and saw that he went back to washing someone else’s car, scrubbing down the wheel rim. He was alone, with an old-fashioned rusty bicycle (reminded me of one that rubber tappers used to get around in estates) stood loyally by his side, a white plastic bottle (Clorox type) dangling on a string at the bicycle handle.

He must be lonely. Eldest son in the family, educated none too much, poverty state has driven him to work early at age where he should be chilling out on Timbaland songs, college life, girls.

What was this feeling again?

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I’m not your mummieee

Yesterday, out for movie (Forbidden Kingdom is just so-so btw, perhaps already immuned to Jackie Chan) and shopping (on full blast mode!) with LD and cousin jie. We were at Jusco, browsing through clothes at ladies department when suddenly I heard a shrill voice calling “Mummy mummy, you come herrre, come here pleaase…”

Then I felt something cold brushing my finger tips. I looked over and saw this little girl pulling at my hand, beckoning me to follow her. I froze.

“Mummy mummy…”

“Umm… no dear I’m not your mummy…” *trying to be nice and forgiving despite the amusement of a lost duckling*

But the girl persisted, kept pulling me away with her and didn’t even bother to look up who her Mummy is!!

Mummy pleasse… come, mummyy…”

“Noo I’m not your mummy-”

“Mummy cumm…”

Boy is this girl stubborn. She kept reaching for my hand while I try to pull her hands OFF me. I looked around in desperate need for help and finally spotted the father standing a few metres apart, carrying another toddler in his arms, smiling at our tug of war antics.

Gawdd this is sooo embarrassingg!!

Just when I thought the father was gonna chip in to pull his psycho daughter away from me, he tried to settle the misunderstanding with a helpless shrug and a mere “Ay Ay *smirking* girl… not your mummy laa…”

Yeah so much for helping from you, daddy.

As soon as I manage to get rid of free myself from the little girl’s hand I quickly walked off in my casual stride, pretended nothing happened and gradually cabut (bolted) to somewhere else before some other Tom Dick or Harry’s kid is calling me mummy again. Meanwhile, LD and cousin were nowhere to be seen. Hmmph.

“Mummy mummy…”

Now that’s not my kind of horror.

Ciplak watch.

Text message to LD @ 21-Apr-08 10:20 a.m.:

OK. Thot of lo. I wan to get facial mask, one more formal shirt/dress for Wen’s wedding/bag, a ciplak watch. Oh and mom’s ayamas chicken…

Ignore the last bit.

Last Monday I thought I was going to get a watch. Not just a watch, a ciplak (loosely translated as cheap imitation in Malay slang) one. Reason being, I didn’t wear any watch for years already but now I need one to attend an important occasion come next week. No, not my friend Wen’s wedding. Hers should fall on June btw. Can’t wait.

Anyway the last watch I had, bought from pasar malam, already died ages ago. The strap itself still looked silvery new, but I doubt the watch could work even if I replace it with a new battery.

So I went to Subang Parade to run some errands (couldn’t find any BOes at Cold Storage!) and did a bit of window shopping on clothes, meet up with LD there and had dinner before we head over to Carrefour building. And up on our way to carpark, I decided to check out the ciplak watches on display at one of the make-shift stalls, manned by two foreign workers.

At first I thought they were there to check out the watches too, before I realized one of them was talking to me in words I don’t understand. But I get their ‘selling’ point anyway so I nodded and proceed to look for the ones I liked.

RM10 each. Very cheap. All colors. All brands (I don’t know of). All shapes and sizes.

And I stood there. Looking, eyes darting from left to right. And look some more. But I couldn’t decide (fickle on alert!) so I ask LD to help me out.

“This one?”

“No, head too big. Makes me look like a primary school kid wearing her first watch.”

She picked another, one with a bright ribena-colored strap. “Ok, this one. Smaller. Your favourite color summore. Sure ngam.”

*cringe*

“Eww. Contrast! If clash with my outfit, how??”

“Then take the white strap one la. Plain and simple. Won’t clash.”

“Easy to get stained yellow leh…”

“You’re not going to wear it forever anyway.” *takes the watch in haste and hand it over to me*

“Nice… *flip over and back* but err… what’s with the weird round thingy in the middle?”

“…”

“White flag! *waves* You choose yourself lah-” LD stood aside and said nothing more. The two foreign workers looked at me in anticipation, waiting for me to have my pick.

“Weii arr… how??”

“It’s just a watch. Choose.” LD said, her voice sounded like it was a matter of life and death. CHOOSE. Add to that a thunder effect if you know what I mean.

“Fine. I’ll… umm, hmm… I’ll just chooooooozzze…” and there I stood, looking, eyes darting from left to right. And look some more. But I just can’t seem to make up my mind.

It’s a blardy RM10 watch and I couldn’t set my heart to buy it.

“Ok. If you don’t want a watch, let’s go. Getting late.”

“Ok let’s go-” I pulled LD away from the stall and off we went to the treadmill escalator. There. I’ve made up my mind.

“Eh, you sure? Not gonna get your chee-plak watch?” I heard a snigger.

“Shut up.”

**
Thank Gawwd it’s Friday!! Look forward to catch up on a good movie and…

can you spot the heart?

more DVDs and…

Big Apple donuts
hehehe…. sugar can make you happy maa, no? 😛 note to DD: no worries, J.Co is still on.

H a p p y W e e k e n d everyone.

Crippled.

*postmortem entry of life after post-graduation.

6 months ago, I thought about quiting the job. Having stepped into the working environment for the first time can be quite intimidating for a fresh grad like me; someone who is reticent and far from being outspoken in public. The challenge gets interesting when I decided to take the leap of faith over my hard-earned degree to work in an unlikely industry I would ever expect myself to be.

Thought I’d give it a try, despite telling myself to be mentally aware of the nature of this job (or so I thought?). The only comforting thought I hold on to is the fact that my work place is only a 15-minute drive from home. Lunch-ing was also convenient, a 10-minute walking distance to shop lots/restaurants that served decent food. Nowadays I seldom eat out even.

Everything went fairly well for the first few weeks, though I suspect it’s the case of ‘calm before the storm’. When I realize how I start dreading to wake up to get to work everyday, I knew that my honeymooning phase is over. I knew that I can no longer do the carefree things I did back in varsity days. This is where it gets tough, as the journey along the months that followed were paved with thorns that pricked on the thin-skinned.

I guess I know where the problem lies. I remembered arriving at my first day of work almost unannounced to the department, thus leaving a cold first impression of me to some of my fellow colleagues. I now learned a hard lesson on how important it is to present your best self possible to people right upon the first encounter itself, since we humans tend to have selective memory and can only remember much, at least until you get to know each other better.

My relationship with the boss, my supervisor, so far has been lukewarm and rather dogmatic at times. This is something I had to work on too I know.

The work load has been a light one, but downright mundane and brain-dead. I didn’t think I would last more than 6 months then, but I manage to overcome the dread feeling by thinking how I can actually save up my salary for rainy day through frugal spending on weekdays (only to splurge some of it on guilt-free weekends). I thought that at least when it is time for me to quit, I still have some cushion savings to spare while I look for job opportunity elsewhere.

Now that I’m close to my 9-month employment, something got me thinking about quiting again. I’ve been contemplating on this decision since last month. 6 months ago, I tell myself that I don’t fit in here. I felt out of place, out of nowhere.

And 6 months after, I still feel the same emotionally unfit person I am. Worse, my confidence hit to the lowest point, and having nobody empathetic enough to share my feelings with, the loneliness grows stronger every day. I’m starting to lose my sense of purpose to work. My dire condition of becoming de-motivated has caused me to procrastinate a lot lately. My guitar lessons, volunteering at Paws, things that I ought to be doing now in living to the fullest of my youth.

But I feel helpless now, and sank so low on my suppressed emotional distress and frustration. All I know is that I wanted to quit from this crippling job. But first I gotta secure a new job.

I’m unofficially on the job market again. Back at square one.

*sigh*

Today’s special: Ribena soup?

Photobucket

Mom made the perfect fan shue tong shui (sweet potato dessert/soup) in disguise. Love the color!