An affirmation.

Posted in music on May 11, 2008 by _butt

It’s my life
It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna live forever
I just want to live while I’m alive
(It’s my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just wanna live while I’m alive
It’s my life

Remember this Bon Jovi famous hit back in the early 2k? I remembered screaming my heart out loud to the lyrics in th MTV when I was younger during schooling days, together with my like-minded mates. Such is a heart-felt affirmation. Such is a calling for self-conquest of life. But I’ve been wondering a lot lately. Hmm.

Anyway. Do you know there are two versions of them? One was the original in hard rock, as we so often heard over the radio and their album.

And the other, an acoustic, mellowed version of it, with a bit of melancholic touch from the harp instrument in the opening. But the first different version I’ve heard was just the sound of electric guitars working quietly in the background, accompanied by soft humming tune from the piano. Either way, they kinda give away a slight chill when listening to the song. Like the wind on your shoulders before taking that leap of faith?

I’m simply bemused by the mechanism aspect of songs. You know, how different music arrangements applied can indirectly affect how we feel about the songs we’ve heard? Take a listen to them below and you’ll hear what I mean.

Click Bon Jovi - It’s my life
Click Bon Jovi - It’s my life (acoustic vers.)

So which one is your likely pick? :-)

Hideo Nakata’s Kaidan.

Posted in favourites, movies, reviews with tags , , on May 10, 2008 by _butt

Note: Before reading, please refer to the meaning of Japanese Kaidan in context. Apparently there are many kaidan films out there. So if you’re not a fan of Hideo Nakata’s films, you’re most probably not aware of this movie.

Synopsis: 250 years ago. Soetsu, a humble moneylender, is murdered by Shinzaemon, a cruel samurai, and his body is disposed of in Kasane-ga-fuchi - the pool of a snaking river where, legend has it, those who sink into the water will never float to the surface again. 20 years later, in a chance encounter, Shinkichi, the handsome son of Shinzaemon, meets Toyoshiga, the daughter of Soetsu, and they fall in love. When Toyoshiga dies from a strange disease, Shinkichi finds that not only is he unable to avoid the mysterious fatality of the past and Toyoshiga’s tenacious love for him, but he is also forced to confront the ghostly truths held by Kasane-ga-fuchi. (source here)

Last weekend, after much procrastination to watch Hideo Nakata’s latest film, I decided to drag myself and sleepyhead LD along to the cinema. And when everyone else is queuing up for Iron Man and some Tamil film I can’t remember the title (their tickets sold out unbelievably fast!), we (just me actually) happily went for Kaidan instead.

It was my first experience watching a kaidan film, and one that is directed by horror film master Hideo Nakata. Based on the Kaidan-Banashi “Shinkei Kasane-ga-fuchi” by Encho Sanyutei and screenplay by Satoko Okodera, this movie showcased the old times of Japan during the Edo period.

I find myself in sheer delight to discover what it’s like to be living in the past tense of Japan. The men, where most of them consist of merchants, artisan or farmers, can be seen with a pretty interesting shave on the head and rolled-up work pants (especially those working at the shipping docks) that reveal their fair, fleshy thighs. But the women during that period was what fascinates me more.

With their reserved nature reflected through elaborate fitting of (what I believe to be) Kimono costumes (of which they have an outer coat to wear when the weather gets cold and chilly), these women seem to keep it delicately minimal; be it adornments on the hair or the paper-made umbrella or pretty paper fans held in hand during a casual stroll at a market.

They carry themselves through living by refined standards of gracefulness; such conservative care transpired on their every movement, appearance and speech. It simply held me there for a moment as the scene is something which can only be sighted at traditional stage plays in the modern days. Cinematography-wise, it worked. I am much intrigued by the Japanese culture during those times.

Having said that about Japanese women, such display of submissiveness should never be taken for granted. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. There is no excuse to get away with fooling their hearts for a mere word of love, the essence of what I believe this kaidan movie to be.

In Kaidan, the audience witnessed how Shinkichi (Kikunosuke Onoe V) had to learn a life time lesson for planting the seeds of vengeance of his past lover Toyoshiga (Hitomi Kuroki) who happened to be the daughter of Soetsu, killed by Shinkichi’s father and thrown into the snaking river known as Kasane-ga-fuchi plunge. I can’t be sure if Toyoshiga was aware of Shinkichi’s identity, vice versa on Shinkichi, but it seemed Toyoshiga was never informed of the cause of her father’s death then. There was no mention of Shinkichi’s acknowledgment on his father Shinzaemon even when his character showed up.

The story begin when Shinkichi meets Toyoshiga for the first time. Love at first sight blossomed in their hearts, and despite the age difference, both of them got together and led an unofficial married life of a couple. Trouble ensued after Toyoshiga revealed her rage of jealousy for Shinkichi and his irresistible charm to other younger girls.

One night in the middle of an argument, Shinkichi accidentally hurt Toyoshiga in the eye (which eerily resembled the way her late father got injured by Shinzaemon’s swipe of scythe then), followed by an infection which resulted her bed-ridden. Shinkichi stayed on to take care of her, but at the same time desperate to find a way to leave the relationship. Toyoshiga’s love for him proved too deep to let him go, though she knew Shinkichi better.

After Toyoshiga’s heart-stricken death, Shinkichi went on a brief relationship with one of Toyoshiga’s student, sweet-looking Ohisa (Mao Inoue) who wants to run away from her troubled family. They packed their belongings and leave the town, only to have their hopes to seek a better life elsewhere short-lived in Shinkichi’s own hands, literally, and ironically ended at the river of Kasane-ga-fuchi.

Shinkichi’s conscience has been plagued with guilt of causing the death of two women he once believe to have loved, and find himself hanging onto his own sanity to rid the vengeful ghost of Toyoshiga haunting on his back. Kaidan wraps up with Shinkichi finally relenting to Toyoshiga in his defeat, where they reunited at the heart of Kasane-ga-fuchi plunge in a classic fashion; Toyoshiga cuddling Shinkichi’s beheaded head in her loving arms and kissing him.

I thought that was tragically sweet. Nothing beats the love vow of ’til death do us part any better than this and I cried for Toyoshiga’s undying devotion for Shinkichi. Weird because I thought I was happy at the prospect that Toyoshiga would finally have her hands gathered around Shinkichi’s neck. But I felt bad for Shinkichi at the same time because as pathetic as he was as a man, he hadn’t had an easy life either after Toyoshiga died. It wasn’t like he’s anything but a brutal, ruthless character. It was a mistake that he had known Toyoshiga in the first place, a curse.

Few things you might find yourself in wonder after watching the movie. Was it a curse of the much talk about legend of Kasane-ga-fuchi or Soetsu swearing an eternal misfortune to befall on Shinzaemon’s descendants before his last breath that has taken its effect on both Shinkichi and Toyoshiga? Or perhaps, the act of Toyoshiga’s vow on her last written love note to Shinkichi that should he married another woman, she would ‘ensure’ that his marriage won’t last?

As a period movie, the plot is rather slow-paced, but it never missed the mark to surprise us at times where appropriate. Just don’t expect to get yourself prepared to brace the usual horror elements in this movie where Nakata would usually do in most of his acclaimed works of J-horror. KAIDAN is no J-horror in the first place, as it has existed way before we heard the term of latter.

I believe Nakata’s attempt on this movie is to get both the Kaidan story and the rumored legend about Kasane-ga-fuchi to intertwined themselves in a single plot and become an impressive piece of a classic tale told via ancient style of an aging storyteller (as seen in the opening of the movie).

To tell a story is easy, but to make the story to unfold itself nicely like a gift, without any crease and tear at the edges, almost effortlessly even, is quite a challenge. Regardless, Nakata still manage to unwrap it open with just a trickling of sweat. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Ratings: 3/5

duh.

Posted in caffeinated on May 9, 2008 by _butt

There are times when I’m super sharp Brands’ chicken essence alert. Much thanks to the stars (of my astrology) really.

Then there are also some duh moments in between. When the blur sotong strikes.

This afternoon.

HR: … so as promised last week, we decided to arrange the interview at your convenience…

me: Sure…

HR: So when would it be convenient for you?

me: Hmm… *pause*

*glance over at the table calendar*

*thinks deep*

me: How about next week?

Silence.

HR: Well umm… heheh… of course next week heheh… since… well, today is already Friday you see… heheh…

me: OH!! *smack head*

me: Right *sillysillysillysillysillysilly* heheh…

**
Pray pray I won’t turn into my own liability come grilling session next week. But I’m trying to keep things positive for now.

Two major things happened this week. I quit instant coffee and Jason Castro didn’t make it to top 3 AI finalists. Oh and the call. Make it three. Happy stuff.

Happy weekend! and Happy Mother’s Day to all moms out there. Be good.

Rust.

Posted in caffeinated on May 3, 2008 by _butt

rusty

To hostel management of TARC: Try girls dorm block D. Not telling which floor. Blek.

Off late, my mind been running on a rusty mode. I’ve been terribly forgetful these days. Misplaced my keys a couple of times, thought I’d washed the dishes already until someone’s mother started yelling WHOLEAVETHEPLATESHEREAHHHH~~~ that twice, and, worst part is, I could feel my ability to focus is going down the drain as well. Had a hard time concentrating on things. And occasions where I had a slight amnesia symptom going on, like what I had for dinner last night, my last turn on Scrabulous, who I’d slept with… kidding. I’m seriously kidding on the last bit.

Strangely enough, I do remember what today is: Saturday, no?

Happy weekend everyone.

This feeling.

Posted in reflection on April 30, 2008 by _butt

I was making a 90-degree turn into the corner spot to park my car when I saw him. An uncle, probably in his mid 40s, clad in dark blue uniform, sitting alone on the railing, his back facing me. He didn’t bother to look back to see who had parked. He kept his eyes looking ahead. I looked around. Nobody but him around the parking lot area. I left anyway.

2 hours later when me and LD got back to our car, we (I) saw him again. Sat alone on the railing, his back on us. Shifted a bit in his sitting position I noticed. Then I saw, as I got into the car and caught a sight of him at side view, him took off his glasses and wipe the lens vigorously with his uniform shirt, then put them back on, slide up to the bridge of his nose. And he continued watching. Waiting for his working hour to pass for what seem like eternity.

He must be lonely. A family of 6 to feed maybe. Kids to school, bills to pay. But he must be lonely on the job. But that’s life, people say.

I left the building struggling with this weird feeling. Was it plain apathy or some hypocritical compassion on display?

On a separate occasion, one morning I got out from the car parked near an automobile service shop, was walking on my way to workplace when a boy slightly younger than me approach me out of the blue and mumbled something incoherent. I caught his speech in between the lines of ‘cuci kereta’ and ‘RMsomeamountIcan’tremember untuk satu bulan’. I shooked my head and said ‘tak nak’ (no) and smiled sheepishly upon refusing his offer for car wash service, thinking that he might be from the service shop itself trying to solicit business or something.

He nodded, but looking somewhat disappointed and left. I glanced over at his direction as I continue walking, and saw that he went back to washing someone else’s car, scrubbing down the wheel rim. He was alone, with an old-fashioned rusty bicycle (reminded me of one that rubber tappers used to get around in estates) stood loyally by his side, a white plastic bottle (Clorox type) dangling on a string at the bicycle handle.

He must be lonely. Eldest son in the family, educated none too much, poverty state has driven him to work early at age where he should be chilling out on Timbaland songs, college life, girls.

What was this feeling again?

I’m not your mummieee

Posted in caffeinated on April 28, 2008 by _butt

Yesterday, out for movie (Forbidden Kingdom is just so-so btw, perhaps already immuned to Jackie Chan) and shopping (on full blast mode!) with LD and cousin jie. We were at Jusco, browsing through clothes at ladies department when suddenly I heard a shrill voice calling “Mummy mummy, you come herrre, come here pleaase…”

Then I felt something cold brushing my finger tips. I looked over and saw this little girl pulling at my hand, beckoning me to follow her. I froze.

“Mummy mummy…”

“Umm… no dear I’m not your mummy…” *trying to be nice and forgiving despite the amusement of a lost duckling*

But the girl persisted, kept pulling me away with her and didn’t even bother to look up who her Mummy is!!

Mummy pleasse… come, mummyy…”

“Noo I’m not your mummy-”

“Mummy cumm…”

Boy is this girl stubborn. She kept reaching for my hand while I try to pull her hands OFF me. I looked around in desperate need for help and finally spotted the father standing a few metres apart, carrying another toddler in his arms, smiling at our tug of war antics.

Gawdd this is sooo embarrassingg!!

Just when I thought the father was gonna chip in to pull his psycho daughter away from me, he tried to settle the misunderstanding with a helpless shrug and a mere “Ay Ay *smirking* girl… not your mummy laa…”

Yeah so much for helping from you, daddy.

As soon as I manage to get rid of free myself from the little girl’s hand I quickly walked off in my casual stride, pretended nothing happened and gradually cabut (bolted) to somewhere else before some other Tom Dick or Harry’s kid is calling me mummy again. Meanwhile, LD and cousin were nowhere to be seen. Hmmph.

“Mummy mummy…”

Now that’s not my kind of horror.

Ciplak watch.

Posted in caffeinated on April 25, 2008 by _butt

Text message to LD @ 21-Apr-08 10:20 a.m.:

OK. Thot of lo. I wan to get facial mask, one more formal shirt/dress for Wen’s wedding/bag, a ciplak watch. Oh and mom’s ayamas chicken…

Ignore the last bit.

Last Monday I thought I was going to get a watch. Not just a watch, a ciplak (loosely translated as cheap imitation in Malay slang) one. Reason being, I didn’t wear any watch for years already but now I need one to attend an important occasion come next week. No, not my friend Wen’s wedding. Hers should fall on June btw. Can’t wait.

Anyway the last watch I had, bought from pasar malam, already died ages ago. The strap itself still looked silvery new, but I doubt the watch could work even if I replace it with a new battery.

So I went to Subang Parade to run some errands (couldn’t find any BOes at Cold Storage!) and did a bit of window shopping on clothes, meet up with LD there and had dinner before we head over to Carrefour building. And up on our way to carpark, I decided to check out the ciplak watches on display at one of the make-shift stalls, manned by two foreign workers.

At first I thought they were there to check out the watches too, before I realized one of them was talking to me in words I don’t understand. But I get their ’selling’ point anyway so I nodded and proceed to look for the ones I liked.

RM10 each. Very cheap. All colors. All brands (I don’t know of). All shapes and sizes.

And I stood there. Looking, eyes darting from left to right. And look some more. But I couldn’t decide (fickle on alert!) so I ask LD to help me out.

“This one?”

“No, head too big. Makes me look like a primary school kid wearing her first watch.”

She picked another, one with a bright ribena-colored strap. “Ok, this one. Smaller. Your favourite color summore. Sure ngam.”

*cringe*

“Eww. Contrast! If clash with my outfit, how??”

“Then take the white strap one la. Plain and simple. Won’t clash.”

“Easy to get stained yellow leh…”

“You’re not going to wear it forever anyway.” *takes the watch in haste and hand it over to me*

“Nice… *flip over and back* but err… what’s with the weird round thingy in the middle?”

“…”

“White flag! *waves* You choose yourself lah-” LD stood aside and said nothing more. The two foreign workers looked at me in anticipation, waiting for me to have my pick.

“Weii arr… how??”

“It’s just a watch. Choose.” LD said, her voice sounded like it was a matter of life and death. CHOOSE. Add to that a thunder effect if you know what I mean.

“Fine. I’ll… umm, hmm… I’ll just chooooooozzze…” and there I stood, looking, eyes darting from left to right. And look some more. But I just can’t seem to make up my mind.

It’s a blardy RM10 watch and I couldn’t set my heart to buy it.

“Ok. If you don’t want a watch, let’s go. Getting late.”

“Ok let’s go-” I pulled LD away from the stall and off we went to the treadmill escalator. There. I’ve made up my mind.

“Eh, you sure? Not gonna get your chee-plak watch?” I heard a snigger.

“Shut up.”

**
Thank Gawwd it’s Friday!! Look forward to catch up on a good movie and…

can you spot the heart?

more DVDs and…

Big Apple donuts
hehehe…. sugar can make you happy maa, no? :P note to DD: no worries, J.Co is still on.

H a p p y W e e k e n d everyone.

Crippled.

Posted in caffeinated, personal on April 24, 2008 by _butt

*postmortem entry of life after post-graduation.

6 months ago, I thought about quiting the job. Having stepped into the working environment for the first time can be quite intimidating for a fresh grad like me; someone who is reticent and far from being outspoken in public. The challenge gets interesting when I decided to take the leap of faith over my hard-earned degree to work in an unlikely industry I would ever expect myself to be.

Thought I’d give it a try, despite telling myself to be mentally aware of the nature of this job (or so I thought?). The only comforting thought I hold on to is the fact that my work place is only a 15-minute drive from home. Lunch-ing was also convenient, a 10-minute walking distance to shop lots/restaurants that served decent food. Nowadays I seldom eat out even.

Everything went fairly well for the first few weeks, though I suspect it’s the case of ‘calm before the storm’. When I realize how I start dreading to wake up to get to work everyday, I knew that my honeymooning phase is over. I knew that I can no longer do the carefree things I did back in varsity days. This is where it gets tough, as the journey along the months that followed were paved with thorns that pricked on the thin-skinned.

I guess I know where the problem lies. I remembered arriving at my first day of work almost unannounced to the department, thus leaving a cold first impression of me to some of my fellow colleagues. I now learned a hard lesson on how important it is to present your best self possible to people right upon the first encounter itself, since we humans tend to have selective memory and can only remember much, at least until you get to know each other better.

My relationship with the boss, my supervisor, so far has been lukewarm and rather dogmatic at times. This is something I had to work on too I know.

The work load has been a light one, but downright mundane and brain-dead. I didn’t think I would last more than 6 months then, but I manage to overcome the dread feeling by thinking how I can actually save up my salary for rainy day through frugal spending on weekdays (only to splurge some of it on guilt-free weekends). I thought that at least when it is time for me to quit, I still have some cushion savings to spare while I look for job opportunity elsewhere.

Now that I’m close to my 9-month employment, something got me thinking about quiting again. I’ve been contemplating on this decision since last month. 6 months ago, I tell myself that I don’t fit in here. I felt out of place, out of nowhere.

And 6 months after, I still feel the same emotionally unfit person I am. Worse, my confidence hit to the lowest point, and having nobody empathetic enough to share my feelings with, the loneliness grows stronger every day. I’m starting to lose my sense of purpose to work. My dire condition of becoming de-motivated has caused me to procrastinate a lot lately. My guitar lessons, volunteering at Paws, things that I ought to be doing now in living to the fullest of my youth.

But I feel helpless now, and sank so low on my suppressed emotional distress and frustration. All I know is that I wanted to quit from this crippling job. But first I gotta secure a new job.

I’m unofficially on the job market again. Back at square one.

*sigh*

Today’s special: Ribena soup?

Posted in food with tags , , on April 20, 2008 by _butt

Photobucket

Mom made the perfect fan shue tong shui (sweet potato dessert/soup) in disguise. Love the color!

Err… I’ve always wondered what’s tong shui called in English. Anyone?

Savage Garden vs. Jay Chau?

Posted in music with tags , on April 19, 2008 by _butt

I know. Weird, you think? Who would’ve thought that Savage Garden’s Truly, madly, deeply can ever be mashed with any one of Jay Chau’s old songs?

Pretty good I think. Except the tempo, in which Savage Garden part sounds a bit awkwardly ‘rushed’ upon the first few listening to the song. But then again, I’m not the one who did the remix thing lah (Panda seems to ‘believe’ I had the talent though hahah). Just happen to bump into it while searching for songs to dL last night ;)

Let me know what you think. Happy Weekend.

Click Savage Garden & Jay Chau Remix